Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
