I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am available for nakedness
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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