ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
