That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize