yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
