One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
