My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
