hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
