is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
