I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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