Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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