i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
