We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
