Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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