Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
