he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was confusing and full of hummus
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
