She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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