I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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