Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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