I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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