remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
