I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
