Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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