He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
