It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize