My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
