i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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