Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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