just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
