I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
