I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
