It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
