Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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