I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize