Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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