maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
