if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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