I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
