Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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