I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
