It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
