I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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