Don't make out with my wife yet
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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