i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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