you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
