I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
