I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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