Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
