I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
