The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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