It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Houston, we have a squirter
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
