please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
