While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize