the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
