please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
