My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
