She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
