i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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