Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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