I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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