I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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