if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize