I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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