her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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