He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
