she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
